I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
