How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
