And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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