It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
