what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
