Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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