You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
