New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
