garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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