but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
