filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
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