My friends, they love my intelligence
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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