doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
