oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
