half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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