omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I understand Curling. That high.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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