Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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