Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
