If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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