Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize