Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
