there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize