my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
