So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
