how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
