peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
