so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I checked into jail on foursquare
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
