I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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