i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
