Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
