i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I think people are normalizing furries
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
