and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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