Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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