he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
