Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
