exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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