she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
