Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
