his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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