it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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