Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize