On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
