im drinking this country out of the recession.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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