lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
