pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize