I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
