So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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