I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
