If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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