so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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