she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
