Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
