One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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