Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
