before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
