Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
