I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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