dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
