I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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