Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
