I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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