shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
