Say something about gay babies.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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