so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
