Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He? As in you personified your dick?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
