she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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