I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You've changed since you got that strap on
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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