Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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