I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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