my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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