Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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