Pappa wants mamma naked
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
