my mouth tastes like poor choices
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
