Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
