My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
