Midget sex pt 2 tonight
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
