I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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