I'm drive I can fine osifer
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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