Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
So squirting runs in the family.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
