Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
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