I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
