I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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