I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
