The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
