I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
