I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
