her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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