dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
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