Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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