A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
