i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We have so much sex to catch up on
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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