I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Randomize
