i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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