You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
