The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
