dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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