No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
