I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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