i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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