The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
