i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
my liver is dry heaving
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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