I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
