I accidentally had phone sex last night
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize