Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
