Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize