Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
