I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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