I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
