I think i sorta joined a cult last night
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
