I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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