I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
