i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
My cat gives me a boner
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize